Dave Eggers Has An Insight Into My Life

Since finally leaving her bed she has been doing the necessary things...and for each task she has had to walk from her hut to the hotel, has had to walk past the men sitting and standing along the steps into the lobby. Eight to ten of them, young men, sitting, waiting without speaking...When Rita walked past them she tried to smile faintly, without looking too friendly, or rich, or sexy, or happy, or vulnerable, or guilty, or proud, or contented, or healthy, or interested--she did not want them to think she was any of those things. She walked by almost cross-eyed with casual concentration.

"Cross-eyed with casual concentration"...this is how I felt walking through the streets of Guayaquil for a good six months upon arriving. Eventually, after spending a year and half somewhere, one begins to feel comfortable in one's own skin. But occasionally I still get this feeling, described in an excerpt from Dave Eggers' short story "Up The Mountain Coming Down Slowly," whose main character is a visitor in a foreign country. One of the appeals of Peace Corps, to me at least, was the two-year time commitment: longterm service requires deeper cultural integration, gaining the trust of a community, and ultimately makes for a more effective volunteer. There are still moments...mornings...entire days, however, when I feel like nothing else but an outsider. When I'm eating an empanada and am suddenly aware of people's eyes on me. When I'm walking down the street and realize my shoulders are tensed for no reason. This whole integration thing, it takes time. Like, a lifetime.