How to Get a Phone Plan in Ecuador

1 - You have to have had a bank account in Ecuador for at least six months in order to get a phone plan; otherwise, don't even try.

2 - Go to the phone store with your ID and bank account information and explain to the sales associate that you would like to purchase a phone plan. Sign some papers. Believe them when they tell you that your plan should be up and running within 24 hours.

3 - 24 hours later, return to the phone store and ask why your plan has not yet been activated. Don't believe them when they tell you not to worry, your plan should be up and running within 24 hours.

4 - Repeat Step 3 for approximately one week.

5 - Live your life. Forget about getting a phone plan and spend inordinate amounts of money to buy minutes when you need to make a phone call.

6 - Three months later, realize that you really do need a phone plan and you would save a lot of money that way.

7 - Ask your friend who successfully got a phone plan to send you the exact steps he took in order to get one.

8 - Stand in line at the bank for two hours. Bring a book.

9 - Go back to the phone store with your bank account information, bank certificates, and every form of ID possible. Explain to the sales associate that you would like to purchase a phone plan. Believe them when they tell you that your plan should be up and running within 24 hours.

10 - 24 hours later, return to the phone store and ask why your plan has not yet been activated. Don't believe them when they tell you not to worry, your plan should be up and running within 24 hours.

11 - Repeat Step 10 for approximately one week.

12 - Live your life. Forget about getting a phone plan, ignore your phone as much as possible, and work to quell the wave of rage that washes over you whenever you have to use it.

13 - Answer your phone one day and be surprised that it is the phone company informing you that in order to sign up for a phone plan you must go to the large service center across town.

14 - Go to the large service center across town. Walk up to the door and see that it has a big, red "Coming Soon!" sign on it.

15 - Give up on getting a phone plan altogether. Eat some ice cream instead.

16 - Approximately three weeks after your attempt to go to the as-yet-unopened large service center across town, receive a text message informing you that you have successfully been signed up for a phone plan.

17 - Check your minutes and see that it is true: you now have a phone plan.

18 - Do not question what just happened. Life your life. Choose to believe that somehow, some way, all your prior efforts resulted in this miracle of miracles.

The End.